I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
