my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The adults are the big ones right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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