Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i out mim tonsoeep
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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