thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
