if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
