I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
