I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
