I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
