He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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