I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
