Your tits are I can't wait for
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
