If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
