Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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