i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Panties = found
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