discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
