did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
