so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
wow bdsm is so cute
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
