i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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