dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
