Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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