just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
