Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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