I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
