That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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