glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
