Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.