smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.