3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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