So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in