I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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