I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
