my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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