Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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