you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
