where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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