i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
