I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
