this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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