Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
