I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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