recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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