Im at strip club and am horny
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
