I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
