it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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