I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize