remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
