Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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