He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
