:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
someone owes me an orgasm
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
