Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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