Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
