Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
