just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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