I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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