I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
