are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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