Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
