Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
