First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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