I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize