I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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