i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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