3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if you like me you must not know who I am
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had sex on a roof
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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