mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
