tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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