I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
