So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
