I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
