here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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