We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
