Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
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I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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