They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
